Announcer: IT'S THE SPEW!!!! WITH TONIGHTS GUEST, MICHAEL RICHARDS! AND NOW THE HOST OF THE SHOW, GIVE IT UP FOR QYYYYYYYYYYZEEEEEEEEEX!!!
(Fancy intro music plays, as Qyzex steps out from behind the curtain, completely naked, and starts suiting up for the show, smiling away)
Qyzex: YEAH! GIVE IT UP FOR JACK AND THE PEN15s!!! WHOA, We've got a great show for you tonight! We got Michael Richards here! Yeah, pretty cool! Anyways, hey Jack! What comes after 69?
Jack: 70?
Qyzex: No! MOUTHWASH! GAHAHAHAHAAA!
(Rimshot)
(Audience laughs)
Jack: AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh Man, Qyzex, you're killin' me!
Qyzex: Well, I saw Bush-
Jack: Wait...the band or the President?
Qyzex: Neither, some groupies payed me a visit after last night's show!
(Rimshot)
Jack: WHOOOOAAAAA!
Qyzex: Heh, ok, let's get this show on the road and bring out our fine guest this evening- MICHAEL RICHARDS!
(Michael Richards enters while the band plays a metal version of the Seinfeld theme)

Qyzex: Michael, glad to have you here today.
Richards: Yeah... uh, I'm here
(Audience laughs)
Qyzex: Well, first thing, and most importantly, the whole reason you’re on the show today, that hit rap you made! It's amazing! I've been listening to it all day today! How did you come up with such genius!?
Richards: Well, I can't take all the credit. I'd like to thank black people everywhere for making this happen.
Qyzex: Ah yes, the good ol' boys in black.
(Applause)
Richards: They have big lips.
(Audience laughs)
Qyzex: Ha ha, yes they do! Oh, one of my producers backstage was telling me a story about you earlier they said, that, heh, you were on a plane, and some black people were there?

Richards: Yeah, I made them sit on the wing. I was surprised that they could talk.

Qyzex: Wait.... they can talk?!
Richards: Yeah, in clicks or something.
(Audience laughs)
Qyzex: Well geeze, that's kinda scary. The fact that they can communicate makes them a serious threat, doesn't it?
Richards: Yeah, but they're not nearly as dangerous as Italians.
Qyzex: (ahem) What about Italians?
Richards: 40 years ago those Guidos would be hanging with a fork up their ass!
(Audience gasps)
Qyzex: Whoa, hey! Cracker, that ain’t appropriate!! I happen to come from a long line of very successful Italians!
Richards: CRACKA? WHO YOU CALLING CRACKA, GUIDO?! HE'S A GUIDO! HE'S A GUIDO! HE'S A GUIDO!
Qyzex: You know... this [expletive] is just..... you know. [expletive] it.... Cracker...i dunno whatcher problem is... but let's just finish this damn interview.
Richards: OH YOU THINK YOU'RE SO BIG?!

(Audience watches in shock)
Qyzex: RACIST! RACIST!
(Angry Applause)
Richards: ...What? How could you call me that?
Qyzex: You know... you...you... I don't even know what the hell you are.... you Jewish? You got a big Jew nose, YOU JEW! I'm pissed; let's just finish this interview..... JEW!
Richards: I'm just a passionate man... I'm busted up about this. I'm not a racist that's what's so insane about this… Guido.
Qyzex: Then, why did you say all that? What could cause you to do something like that?
Richards: I err... was just trying some err new stand-up. I guess it didn't go over so well.
Qyzex: I think you just hate Blacks and Italians...
Richards: That's not true. I also hate Mexicans. I mean.... I don't
Qyzex: No, no... I agree with you there who doesn't hate Mexicans?
(Audience laughs)
Richards: Mexicans probably, and maybe people actually worse of than them, like Haitians.
(Audience laughs and applauds)
Qyzex: Hmm... perhaps. Oh! I see you have a milkshake with you. Mind if I have some?
Richards: uh, Yes, I do.
Qyzex: Aw, c'mon, just a sip. Oh wait, It's vanilla. Meh, I'm more of a chocolate fan.
Richards: I only drink Vanilla. but your dirty Guido lips would love chocolate.
(Audience moans in disgust)
Qyzex: Whoa, hey, INAPPROPRIATE!
Richards: That's what you get when you interrupt a white man, don't you know?
Qyzex: This... this... THIS IS OVER! I'm done! DONE! Just like your CAREER!
Richards: OH! OH! I guess you're right I have no career, huh?
Qyzex: I didn't even know you were still alive until recently! Oh um... ok... yeah.... interviews over....if you could just...um...you know.... leave?

NOTE: Unlike all the newer Spew articles, this interview is fake, and never really happened.